Book urges gay teenagers to be proud of their choice

Aims to foster wider acceptance
'My advice is: Be who you are'

In a perfect world, Judy Shepard says, young people would never worry about the insensitive words that will label them. They would never know the hate teenagers before them have endured as they began to make decisions about how they will lead their lives.

But that day won't come until children and, in particular, teenagers can be honest with themselves and then be honest with their families without having to fear the reaction, Shepard says.

Shepard is the mother of Matthew Shepard, the gay University of Wyoming student who was beaten to death in 1998 when he was 21. She now serves as the executive director of the Casper, Wyo.-based Matthew Shepard Foundation, which supports educational projects, activities that raise awareness about discrimination and diversity.

A new photo book sponsored by the Shepard Foundation, A Face in the Crowd: Expressions of Gay Life in America (Prospect Publishing) edited by John Peterson and Martin Bedogne, aims to take the first step toward encouraging teenagers to be comfortable with themselves and their choices.

The images show both happy gay people and sad gay people. The important thing, Shepard says, is they are all living their lives as they choose and not running away from their identities. "We needed to show the challenges facing young people today and also how young people can thrive once they come out," she says.

The photos that most touched Shepard were of middle-age or older adults who had found life partners and made their own "families." One of Matthew's dreams was to have a family, but he feared society and the government would never allow gay marriage or gay adoption.

A Face in the Crowd is not only for teens who are gay or even those who are confused about their sexuality. The book is for every teenager, says Shepard, because teen angst doesn't discriminate. Every youngster faces a dilemma about "fitting in" at some point or another.

"My advice is: `Be who you are — and be it now. It doesn't get any easier if you wait,'" she says.

She adds, "I know it might seem like forever but being a teenager is only a second of your life."

Shepard spends most of her time now at schools, speaking to teenagers about hate, hate crimes and a person's power to incite change.

The Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network, a network of parents, students, educators and others trying to end discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in schools, reports gay students hear anti-gay slurs as often as 26 times a day.

In a typical class of 30 students, eight, or 27 per cent of the class, will be directly affected by homosexuality of self, a sibling or a parents, according to the network. Gay and lesbian youth account for 30 per cent of all suicides.

Another sad statistic: 50 per cent of gay and lesbian youth report that their parents reject them because of their sexual orientation.

That's not how it was for the Shepards when Matthew "came out" in his first year of college.

"I was so relieved when Matthew told me. I couldn't ask, but I had suspected (he was gay). I knew Matt would tell when he was ready," Shepard recalls. "My reaction was, `What took you so long?'"

She encourages gay youths to give their families a chance to respond with love and compassion.

"Human nature is acceptance," Shepard says.

SAMANTHA CRITCHELL
ASSOCIATED PRESS