BULLYING:
WE CAN ALL HELP STOP IT

How can I tell if my young child or teenager is being bullied?

A young child may not know the word “bully”, but she knows when someone is being mean, hurting her, or making her feel sad or scared. There are signs that your child is being bullied, even if she doesn’t talk about it. She may not tell you because she may be worried she’ll make things worse if she “tells”or “rats”.

Your teenager won’t necessarily tell you there’s a problem either.Teenagers often prefer to handle things on their own – they might think you’ll get upset or they might just find it embarrassing to have a parent involved.

Instead of waiting to be told, you can watch for signs that your child is being bullied – signs such as changes in behaviour, in attitude, or in appearance.

Children who are being bullied may not want to go to school or may cry or feel sick on school days.They may not want to take part in activities or social events with other students.They might suddenly begin to lose money or personal items, or come home with torn clothes or broken possessions, and offer explanations that don’t make sense.

Teens who are bullied may also start talking about dropping out of school and begin skipping activities that include other students. Is it bullying if force hasn’t been used?

Bullying can take many forms. It can be:

• physical – hitting, shoving, stealing, or damaging property
• verbal – name calling, mocking, or making sexist, racist, or homophobic comments
• social – excluding others from a group or spreading gossip or rumours about them
• electronic (commonly known as cyberbullying) – spreading rumours and hurtful comments through the use of e-mail, cellphones, and text messaging

How can I help my child deal with bullying?

By working with the school to help your child or teen handle the bullying problem, you are leading by example. No matter what his or her age, you can help by encouraging your child to talk to you about it and by giving the following advice:

• Walk away from the situation.
• Don’t hit back, don’t talk back, don’t e-mail back.
• Tell an adult whom you trust – a teacher, the principal, the school bus driver, or the lunchroom supervisor – about what happened.
• Talk about it with your brothers or sisters, or with friends, so that you don’t feel you’re alone.
• Find a friend to be with in the places where you don’t feel safe.

Is it possible that my child is bullying others?

Children who physically bully other students may also come home with bruises, scrapes, and torn clothing.They may suddenly have more money to spend than usual or new possessions that they would normally not be able to afford.They may also “talk tough” about other students.

Children who bully sometimes do so at home as well as at school. Look and listen within your own household. Are there signs that one of your children is being bullied by a sibling?

Bullying behaviour can develop as a result of major changes, losses, or upsets in a child’s or teen’s life. Have any of your children recently had this kind of experience?

Think about how problems and conflicts are dealt with in your home.Do you talk through issues as a family? An important way to discourage bullying is to be a good role model and show your kids how to sort out difficulties without violence or aggression.

It’s also important to explicitly tell your children that bullying is wrong.

Well, at least my child isn’t involved in bullying …

Everyone suffers when bullying occurs, and everyone can help to prevent it. In 85 per cent of cases, bullying takes place in front of witnesses. Bystanders usually avoid getting involved because they’re afraid they could become a target themselves or make things worse for the person being bullied.

You can help your child understand that bullying is not acceptable and that he can help stop it by reporting it to an adult.

How serious a problem is bullying?

Bullying is never acceptable. It should not be considered just “part of growing up”. Research and experience consistently show that bullying is a serious issue, with far-reaching consequences for the students involved, their families and peers, and the community around them.

Students who are bullied often deal with social anxiety, loneliness, withdrawal, physical illnesses, and low self-esteem.They can also develop phobias, take on aggressive behaviour, or slide into depression. Some students miss school, see their marks drop, or even leave school altogether.

The path is also rocky for those who bully. Children and teens who learn to see aggression as power may stop caring about the difference between right and wrong in general. Eventually, they may become abusive adults.

Do boys and girls bully in the same way?

Both boys and girls can be bullies. Boys tend to bully physically, while girls generally use more indirect approaches, such as gossiping about classmates or isolating them by excluding them from activities or groups. Boys are usually bullied by other boys, whereas girls are bullied by both girls and boys.

Regardless of its form, bullying is unacceptable.

My child is being bullied.What should I do?

• Listen to your child and assure him that he is not to blame.
• Be clear on the facts. Make notes about what happened and when it happened.
• Help your child see that there is a difference between “ratting” or “telling” and reporting. It takes courage to report. Reporting is done not to cause trouble for another student, but to protect all students.
• Make an appointment to talk to your child’s teacher, another teacher that your child trusts, or the principal or vice-principal of the school.
• Difficult as it may be, try to remain calm so that you can support your child and plan a course of action.
• Stay on course. Keep an eye on your child’s behaviour. If your meetings with school staff haven’t made the bullying stop, go back and talk to the principal. Follow-up on the steps for ending the bullying that were agreed to at the meeting.
• Speak to the instructor or coach if the bullying is taking place during after-school activities or sports events.
• Contact police if the bullying involves criminal behaviour, such as sexual assault or use of a weapon, or if the threat to your child’s safety is in the community rather than the school.